Thoughts on the death of my sister....

How could someone that loud slip away so quietly?! It is now between Christmas and New Year's Day. The death of a friend's father got me thinking of the death of my sister. When Jane died in July of 2005, we were out on the festival grounds, finishing up another annual 'Cornerstone Festival', and my husband and I were on our way to vacation in Montana. Jon had a '30th' high school reunion to get to, and it was all a matter of a day or two. It was such an unexpected time for a death, or are we ever prepared for a death?! On our way to Montana, we went over to East Grand Forks for the wake, day before the funeral. I, as well as my sister Shirley, shared thoughts about Jane, and then we were there for the next day, funeral and burial of Jane. God's Spirit seemed very present at the funeral, as it seemed to bond the family in a way that was out of the normal.

Jane was born with water on the brain, and had had probably about 35 operations in her life. For someone out of such a hard life, Jane had born to her, two lovely girls, very bright, intelligent and beautiful. Jane's marriage had ended very sadly, for her husband had turned out to be not such a nice guy, a really not nice guy. Jane, because of all the illness, was unable to live quite a normal life, and longed to be loved and cared for. She hovered over her prized possessions, her daughters, who did not want to be owned and controlled, for they certainly were their own people. She did however, teach them many valuable things in life, even by her example.

When Jane entered the room, you really knew it, for she was very loud and boisterous. She had a way of annoying you, and probably, way down, she knew it, but couldn't help herself. Jane was very loving to others, she wasn't the type to hold a grudge, nor really, even judge another. She had a way of badgering you though, with her questions and need for acceptance. If she knew someone as a baby or child, she had a hard time looking at that person as an adult, and wanted to treat them as that child, someone she could hold. Really, all that Jane wanted, and needed, was to be loved in return.

On the phone, I do remember Jane expressing her love for Jesus. She told me that she could hardly go to church without crying. I understand that feeling, one that expresses that God really does have one's heart. I am so glad for that, for I know that Jane is now with God, and is happier then ever. Jane has found the love that she has wanted so badly. Jane is now in the arms of Jesus, where she can feel safe and loved.

I did not live by Jane, for many, many years. She was not part of my daily life. I can feel guilty that I didn't have a more positive and consistent input into her life. I do hope that my faith in God was somehow an inspiration to her, in some way. When Jane was a little girl, I did pray with her to receive Jesus, and as He promises, "I will never leave nor forsake you", was true with Jane.

Jane was loved, and loved by many. Many of the people in her church also loved her. Her family, even though not always patiently, loved her. Her daughters loved her. Most of all, she is now, as I stated, in the loving arms of the Lord, and in a glorious place. Something to be pondered on, for either God and His promises are real, or not. Do you feel sure that you will be able to run up to Jane, in the heavenlies, when you die, and greet her once again? You can, not from what good you have done, but by accepting what Jesus did for you, and me, and Jane.

Holiday blues?!

Scraps of Love
Holiday blues?? Holidays not what you expected? When it comes to the holidays, for many people, it is a struggle. There has never been a holiday that I haven't been tempted to get depressed, in some way or another. The holidays always tell us 'how it's suppose to be', and somehow, we always come out short. Life for most of us, is not exactly how we want it. Either, our past haunts us, or our family is not the tight knit family that we want, or we just aren't getting back near as much as we give out.

What is Christmas really about? It originated with a little baby born in a manger, to come into the world, to save us from all our dysfunction and pain, and to give us a better life, here and in the here after. Second, Christmas is about giving, giving to others, without expecting a return.

I live in an area where I walk down the street and see lots and lots of people that don't celebrate Christmas in any way, and are just looking for a handout. Down and outers. I live in a Christian community where there are lots of people who are trying to follow God. Now, if I compare with some families, intact families who never experianced the disaster of divorce and how that affects their children, I can come feeling like I'm coming out short. However, if I look around at many of the single people here, without a dear loving spouse or any children, or family, I know they feel they are coming out short. They are lonely and want what I have.

Christmas eve we will have a Christmas eve get together, and later, a wonderful service, with all of our eyes on Jesus, together, and then we will all know together, what Christmas is all about. Hope, mercy and love.
We live in an imperfect world. We can all come with feelings of disappointment, in ourselves, in others, to some degree or another. Christ came to save us from ourselves and all that is not right.

May you look to the One that Christmas is all about. Find others that are less fortunate then you, and give, expecting nothing back, except the blessing of giving. Jesus came into this world, to pay a high price, for you and me, that we could have life, and life most abundant. May you experiance this most wonderful thing that you could possibly experiance, new life in Him. Carol