When you feel that life isn't fair......

One might think, life isn't fair. Why do some people escape troubles and others not. That is a mystery, and just part of living on this earth. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. In other words, it just happens. When I wrote in my blog how God has delivered me from many of my troubles, someone could say, what about me. I had troubles but I wasn't delivered from them. All I can say are two things, we each have our own story, and God loves us no matter what our story is, and also, even though I feel I have been delivered from many hard things in my life, I could also say, why did I have to go through so much in my life, while others never have to go through hardly anything. I choose to not question God. I've done that in my past, and only found out that God is worthy of our trust. I don't like going around the bend to find that out every time..
You can question God all you want, He can take it. You just don't always get the answers you would like. To simply trust Him, if you can, is better. He will get you through whatever you are facing.
Looking over my life, and seeing God in my life, through out it, even before I was a Christian, I am thankful and see His love for me. Doubting other's love for me has been my besetting sin, even God's love for me. For reasons I won't mention now, I didn't feel like a loved person growing up. To this day I am tempted to doubt other's love, and truth is, everyone certainly doesn't love us, everyone doesn't even like us, not all the time. That's okay. But, that's not true with God, He loves us all the time. He loves all of us differently, because we're all different.
God is love, so He can be nothing other then love. However, do we make it easier to please God when we love and obey Him. As humans it is true of us, when a child is loving and has a tender heart it is easier to want to please the child back. When a child is unkind and mean and rebellious, it is harder to want to please. I don't know that we can compare God to humans, but the Psalms are full of verses that say 'He hears the prayers of the righteous', (Jesus righteousness in us), and that when we pray to Him and call out to Him, He hears us.
That's all I have to say this morning, it's very early and I'm feeling quite sleepy. This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice in it!! (...and sorry for rambling...)

Poetry by Amy Charmichael

'Mountain Breezes', a poetry book I loved, especially when I was going through cancer treatments, 10 yrs ago. Amy Charmichael was an amazing woman, rescued children from pedophiles, yes they had them in the late 1800's, but then Amy became bedridden, for yrs. and wrote many books, etc.

'I WILL REFRESH YOU', (Matthew 11:28).

Heart that is weary because of the way,
Facing the wind and sting of the spray,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you....

Heart that has tasted of travail and toil,
Burdened for souls whom the foe would despoil,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is frozen--a handful of snow,
Heart that is faded--a sky without glow,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is weary, O come unto Me.
Fear not, whatever the trouble may be;
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

'WE SHALL KNOW', also by Amy Charmichael

He will renew us in His love always.
Ours is a weary, clogging flesh,
But we shall know.
Patience of comfort, peace and fortitude,
Shall drink where fresh waters flow,
Taste angels' food;
For, loving, Thou dost love until the end.
O great and dear Redeemer, we have proved
What Love Divine can spend
On its beloved.

God has given me life, over and over again, for now.....

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him/her from them all". Psalm 34:19. (We're made righteous through Jesus, we have none of our own).
This is what I feel like my life has been, full of many troubles, but somehow, I have come through all of them, each and every time, by God's grace and mercy.

Even as a young person, looking back, I see God's hand on my life. A few examples are:
As a teenager, going through pretty severe depression, by keeping a diary, I came out of the depression, no medication, no counseling, etc. That strength came from God, I believe.

Then, in my latter part of my teens, I drove a car like a maniac. I look back very often, to this day, and shudder at the thought of my thoughtlessness. One time driving down a gravel road, with a car load of girls, I tried to get to 100 mpr. I am so very thankful, very, very thankful, that I didn't kill anyone. There were a few other driving incidents that I'm sure there were angels watching over me. Weaving in and out of lanes, almost hitting cars, drag racing in town, and driving drunk. How did I ever get out of those situations without major problems, I have no idea.

When living in Minneapolis, away from Grand Forks, I was almost over the edge with Paranoia, getting even a streak of white hair from fear. I would rather have been killed then gotten raped. (I had previously already almost been date raped). Then, all of a sudden, I snapped out of it, for no reason. I believe that God was with me, where else does inner strength come from?!

God has delivered me from many fears, and depressions. When I moved to Chicago, when working at American Airlines, I then became a born again Christian. Before, I experienced extreme loneliness. Becoming a Christian in 1971, was the happiest time of my life. Once I was in a forest, praising God, when a man, naked and full of anger, came up to me. A soft voice in my head said, 'Get up', and I did. I got away, but was full of fear. The next day, in church, I literally felt the hand of God remove the fear out of my body, and the flash backs stopped. It happened when the preacher said the verse, "Love covers a multitude of sin".

After I was a Christian for a couple of years, I got married. In the first year, my ex wanted a divorce, but decided Christians don't divorce. The Jesus People group that I was in, split up. I went through a year of depression. Again, no meds, no counseling, but the album, 'Growing Pains' by Jaimie Owens, now Collins, pulled me out of the depression, every day a song lifted me up.

After being married for 7 yrs., it was decided that I could have a child. I got pregnant immediately, with twin boys. I was hemorrhaging, the boys were 3 months early. I didn't realize that that was one of my very possible calls to death. (Today the boys are 30 yrs. old, and happily married to beautiful, Christian women ).

After 12 yrs of marriage, my ex finally divorced me. It was devastating. I came back to my roots, Jesus People, and to my original 'calling', along with the boys, to Chicago. Two years later, I married Jon Trott, who also went through a devastating divorce, and he had 2 little girls that I helped raise. Getting into a new relationship was very hard, but now, over twenty years later, God has done tons of healing through this very loving, godly husband.

After being married to Jon, a few years later, I almost drowned in a river, but it wasn't my time yet.

In the year of 2000, I had Thyroid Cancer and Breast Cancer. I went though lots and lots of chemo, radiation treatments, etc. etc. I am now 10 years cancer free. Thank You God!

How we found the Thyroid Cancer was because of a breathing problem I had. My breathing became worse and worse, partly due to tubulation during my Thyroidectomy. This year my breathing got where the trachea was about the size of a coffee stirrer. The doctors said it doesn't get any worse. So, on April 14th of this year, I had reconstructive surgery, a quite major procedure. The first week or two were intense, to say the least. I am recuperating now, and doing very well. On the 11th of May I will get a smaller trach, and then either this month, or on June 7th, (my surgeon is out of town, probably teaching other surgeons this new surgery. Has only been around for 10 years). The trach will be out completely, and I will be able to extend my life, for as long as I can have. I would like to live to 90 yrs. My health otherwise is quite good.

My dear God is very merciful and loving. I do hope for God to be glorified in my life. He is worthy of all of our trust. We asked many, many people to pray. I believe that it is God's will for believers to uphold one another in prayer, and I pray that I can become a better prayer warrior then ever.

"The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing". Zephaniah 3:17b. A verse that all of us should take to heart, God loves us, He really does. It is one that I am still trying to sink into my heart. He showed us His great love for us first when Jesus came to die a horrible death, that many could be saved, any who would say yes. I sure couldn't have lived my life without God delivering me from my many troubles, and giving me the grace to walk through what I have come through. Choose the Lord today, He is amazing and loves you so!!!!

One day I will die, of course, and even though the transition from life to death to life is scary and foreign, I do look forward to being with my Maker, in a paradise that this world doesn't know yet.

Blogging on.......

I have not blogged for many, many months, and yet I still get comments from time to time. Guess I'll continue to blog on, and for many reasons. One may be that it's probably better to blog thoughts then to put all one's thoughts on Facebook?! I am so sorry for not responding to anyone that might have sent me a comment, without me returning a comment back to you. Please forgive me.

My most recent comment from Rebecca, who isn't feeling God's love right now. "Rebecca, whether you feel God's love or not, He just doesn't stop loving you. He can't do any different, because He is love. He is more committed to you then how committed you've been to Him over the years, it just isn't going to change. It's a fact, accept it in faith, and the feelings will come back. The Lord uses our hard times to bring us into greater intimacy with Him. Be stubborn to hear His voice, to cling to Him. He won't let you down. God bless you today!" A good place to put our stubbornness!

Today, is a day of life, and death, and living. A baby was born, my niece's, an old member of our church (not that old, in his 50's, died, and is with Jesus, thankfully; and I face a major surgery, doctor will tell me tomorrow. (I know that God is with me, and hopefully, I will get the repair that I need, so I can breath better, and move forward in better health).

What a better place then to be in the arms of Jesus, for this is a hard world, with earthquakes, the economy a mess, so much craziness. I find myself one of the lucky ones(if lucky should be the word), to know and have the grace, to put my trust in God, through Jesus. His coming down to earth, putting Himself in the body of a man, Jesus, and giving us the forgiveness that we all need, for our sins, and the assurance for eternal life.

Hope you have a good day, and may your faith be renewed this day. Blessings!!

When your kids break your heart....

When one of your greatest treasures in life are your children, and when you gave them all of your love and devotion, and when you gave them all of your strength, gifts, services, all your energies, time, and anything you could do for them, and you become not a part of their life anymore, it breaks your heart.

When your children want a separate life from you, which is normal, that they go out of their way to separate, and the only time when they want you, is when they need something, that breaks your heart.

When your children want no part of you, because you're too old, too giving, too Christian, (or maybe religious), and don't want to identify with you, that breaks your heart.

When your children break your heart, what can you do? Cry, get angry, after all, didn't you do the most for them?! Do you yell, pray, reject back?

No......

Now is the time to give them completely to the Father in heaven. Love them with His love, not your own, pray, and wait..............

Going Beyond Our Wants, by Henri Nouwen

Everyday I get different and regular emails. Some devotionals, some thoughts of the day, some quotes of the day, some notices from Facebook, and always junk mail. Usually gross things that I would like to ring their necks, and today, 15 ads for a watch that I would never buy. Would like to wring their neck too. (Just an expression, not literal).

Today, as always, I received a devotional from Henri Nouwen, a man who lived in community, with handicapped, forgotten people, that no one wanted. People who what would seem, only to take, but really, gave Henri, & Jean Vanier, and others, so much love and enrichment, and showed them how to really live. Below is a quote from Henri Nouwen, about knowing what you really want, and not being double minded. I think I can really say what it is that I really want, and that is, for all of my children and family to know and love God, through Jesus.

Going Beyond Our Wants, by Henri Nouwen
Sometimes we behave like children in a toy shop. We want this, and that, and then something else. The many options confuse us and create an enormous restlessness in us. When someone says, "Well, what do you want? You can have one thing. Make up your mind," we do not know what to choose.

As long as our hearts keep vacillating among these many wants, we cannot move forward in life with inner peace and joy. That is why we need inner and outer disciplines, to go beyond these wants and discover our mission in life.

Much of my life is spent in serving the homeless women at the shelter that I have worked at for the last 10 years. I do and have done what I can, in as far as serving my family here, and my parents in North Dakota. (There is family there, and mostly, my sister Shirley Hooey, has helped our parents in so many ways. I feel like she is their, and my angel, for this. I wait and pray for the time that I can go and visit again, and hopefully help in some way).

Mostly, with my family here, who are all grown children, I give birthday parties, host holiday celebrations, make pies, do mending for them, and do anything that I possibly can. Mostly, I pray for everyone everyday. They all have my heart dearly, and I give them all back to God, and pray for His direction and help.

My husband Jon, who also loves them all, seems like he has an easier time of putting them all into God's hands, and leaving them there, for his peace of mind, that is how he copes best. I am thankful for a loving, adoring and endearing husband and help meet to me, maybe more to me than I to him. Jon would want this too, but feels that he won't want something that he can't have. We look at a question and answer differently. To me a want is a want, whether it's in our power or not.

So, my wants, I can do nothing about, but just pray and trust God. And, in my daily life, I go on serving God in the best way that I know how.

Back again.....

It has been over a year since I have written on my blog. Actually I have been doing Facebook, but not really blogging there. May I have a change of attitude and discipline, as blogging has many advantages, different for each person. I won't name all of my reasons for blogging, but hope that it will not only benefit myself, but also anyone who should happen to read my blog. Actually I have met different people through my blog, and see that when you post something publicly people are going to read your blog. If you want a private blog, then don't put it on the Internet, put it into a little book that you can hide somewhere. I would like to write down the many things that God has done in my life, as there have been many, and about what a most loving, powerful God that exists. Now is not the time, as I have to go to work, at Leland House, housing for women out of homelessness, and with disabilities, mental and out of substance abuse. I had a call from one of them this weekend, and I know that I have what could be a stressful day ahead of me, as police were called and said a 'hate crime had been committed. I may write about it, or not, as I have to be careful what I write, as this is public, and much of what I encounter must not be for open display, at least not with identifying persons. Have a good day, whoever reads this, and God be with us today. Back again, after an entire year. Carol