Still.........

After many years, I'm still learning some of the same lessons. Really life lessons. Rereading a sermon I was asked to give several years ago, the word 'indifference' popped up. It's a feeling I really dislike. It's what I experienced and what I felt in growing up. My parents had so many different problems, kids, and there wasn't the knowledge that is available today, in meeting your childs inner emotional needs. In my first marriage my husband could never love me, he felt he had made a mistake in marrying me, always would. We were married for over 12 years, he felt as a Christian that divorce wasn't right. He was correct there. Again, that word indifference. I worked hard in the church, serving did help create relationships, and felt need feelings of being seen. It helped to be seen.

When my 1st husband finally pulled the plug, he greatly encouraged me to come to Chicago,  with our beautiful twin sons, where I joined the Jesus people, intentional Christian community, serving God, full time. I had that kind of calling in my life. (He did come regularly to get the boys). After 2 years at JPUSA, as was/is the community abbreviated with, I married my now husband Jon, who was also deserted by his first wife.  God has greatly loved me through him. I am blessed!!!There's no indifference there. 

Still, why do the feelings of indifference pop up in my life, after all of these years? I am so much older now, much older than most of the people in the community, and also at my job that I work 2 days a week. I am involved at home in the community and at work, but not the same as others. So, when you're not as involved, people don't know you as much, and don't relate to you as much either. Then pop up the 'feelings' of indifference.

What do I do when I have these feelings, only feelings mind you, I go back to when I was that little girl on the playground, watching the other girls jumping rope, all by myself in a corner. I heard the words, "You are loved". Today, I am loved, by God our Creator,  my Lord Jesus. I tell myself, I am so loved by God, and through my wonderful husband Jon. Being so much older now, I still go through feelings of not being seen at times. Our society dictates that. But, I am seen. God sees me. ......and as I said, I am so blessed by my husband, he sees me, sometimes more than I can handle. Lol. What would happen if I lose my Jon? If the Lord took him to heaven before myself? I am still seen, by God. My Love, into eternity. 

Be blessed. You are seen. God loves you so, as He does me.

It's a new day, and I'm now able to get back into my blog.  I was able to change my password.  Yeah!
 Years ago I wrote a post that I still get comments on, "When your kids break your heart ". There are so many broken hearts.  Now I am exploring what to do when your kid(s) has/have a broken heart.
Stay tune to thoughts on this, if you so desire. I commit to keep my blog open now. This is sort of my test run. Blessings to you, and have a good day!!!!

A New Day1

A New Day! It is important that I get into my blog, after ages of not posting. Important as I still get responses from a blog from a few years ago, important because God has done so much in my life, and I want to write it all down. Important because I'm now in a different stage of life, and a stage that I am starting to think, what if something ever happened to me, what would I leave behind? Not that I'm planning on going anywhere, but we will go, die, eventually. No one lives forever. Many people don't live as long as I have lived, and that is by the grace of God. So much has happened to me, I am thankful to be alive.  Not that I have so much wisdom to leave or give out, but a certain amount of wisdom does come with age. There, age again, a whole set of challenges do come with age. When one is young, they feel that they will never get old, and will live forever. But, we all get older. Show respect for older people, as you too will get older, and have your own set of challenges.

This blog is a sort of a test, to see if I can get in and out of the blog. Have a blessed day, and look to God, He is real. Look at your stepping stones, moments that God did something in your life, to reveal Himself. I have so many, and going over them has helped build my faith. Faith that is constantly tested. Without faith it is impossible to please God, the Bible says. That is how God wants us to come to Him, in faith.

I've lived a few lives.....

Good Morning, Scraps of Love. Just noticed that there other people who now have our name. :-(. No idea is new in this world). I think I was first, so hopefully I will stick by you this time, being as I don't want to lose you altogether......

I feel like I have lived a few lives, now that I'm 'older', and I feel that I should put some of my life on paper, or at least in print. Not that my life has been so remarkable, but mostly because I have an amazing Creator, who has stood by me, for all of my life, even before I knew who my Creator was.

There are so many chapters to my life, and the most interesting thing in all of my chapters, is the on going belief and presence of  God, through struggles, good times, and bad. I would like to think that I have had my share of trials, and am over them, and now living the restful, peaceful golden years, but of course, as the years go forward, there are and will be many new challenges. Hopefully I will do all that I can, to make the best of them.

Sometimes I'll be long winded, and often, just a few words, things that come to my memory. I should start at the beginning, but then, that's too long and tedious. Maybe I'll just go back a few years, back and forth, just how I hate it when movies do that.

In 2010, almost 3 years ago, when I had a really hard time breathing, it became obvious I had to do something, and I did. It was drastic, I had a complete 'trachea reconstruction'. My trachea had become the size of a coffee stirrer, the breathing part that is. I would still walk to work, 6 blocks, but it became very difficult. So, we (my dear husband Jon and I), took the chance, and had the surgery, actually, surgeries. It was quite successful, with much difficulty, of course. I had a tracheotomy for one month and one day. That one day really counted, because after I had the trach removed, my surgeon got in an accident, only a couple of hours later. He was knocked off of his bike,and cracked his head open, and was gone from work for a month). (No helmet). Sad for him, lucky for me, I wanted that thing out.

Jon was my caretaker, once I came home from the hospital, 1st surgery, and after being in the hospital for well over a week. Tubes, etc. for one week, only fed by tube then. Only twice did I stop breathing, when the trach got clogged, 2nd time when I first came home, and hubby rescued me. He took care of me for that month. Fortunately, the way we live, in full time Christian community, they were able to carry us, and made this possible.

One other thing I want to say about this incident, when I first had this amazing surgery, when I first woke up, right there, when I saw Jon sitting by my side, I really saw Jesus sitting there. Jesus was very real to me, His presence, as I'm sure He was, throughout the entire surgery, for hours. I'll tell you about the twilight surgery that followed, so I could speak again, that was surreal, later.

Amazing, after forgetting my password, and username, and not writing for 2 years, I am back in. I commit to write and not be as lazy as I have been. Don't have time to write this morning, have to get to work. Have a good day to anyone reading this, and to myself.

When you feel that life isn't fair......

One might think, life isn't fair. Why do some people escape troubles and others not. That is a mystery, and just part of living on this earth. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. In other words, it just happens. When I wrote in my blog how God has delivered me from many of my troubles, someone could say, what about me. I had troubles but I wasn't delivered from them. All I can say are two things, we each have our own story, and God loves us no matter what our story is, and also, even though I feel I have been delivered from many hard things in my life, I could also say, why did I have to go through so much in my life, while others never have to go through hardly anything. I choose to not question God. I've done that in my past, and only found out that God is worthy of our trust. I don't like going around the bend to find that out every time..
You can question God all you want, He can take it. You just don't always get the answers you would like. To simply trust Him, if you can, is better. He will get you through whatever you are facing.
Looking over my life, and seeing God in my life, through out it, even before I was a Christian, I am thankful and see His love for me. Doubting other's love for me has been my besetting sin, even God's love for me. For reasons I won't mention now, I didn't feel like a loved person growing up. To this day I am tempted to doubt other's love, and truth is, everyone certainly doesn't love us, everyone doesn't even like us, not all the time. That's okay. But, that's not true with God, He loves us all the time. He loves all of us differently, because we're all different.
God is love, so He can be nothing other then love. However, do we make it easier to please God when we love and obey Him. As humans it is true of us, when a child is loving and has a tender heart it is easier to want to please the child back. When a child is unkind and mean and rebellious, it is harder to want to please. I don't know that we can compare God to humans, but the Psalms are full of verses that say 'He hears the prayers of the righteous', (Jesus righteousness in us), and that when we pray to Him and call out to Him, He hears us.
That's all I have to say this morning, it's very early and I'm feeling quite sleepy. This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice in it!! (...and sorry for rambling...)

Poetry by Amy Charmichael

'Mountain Breezes', a poetry book I loved, especially when I was going through cancer treatments, 10 yrs ago. Amy Charmichael was an amazing woman, rescued children from pedophiles, yes they had them in the late 1800's, but then Amy became bedridden, for yrs. and wrote many books, etc.

'I WILL REFRESH YOU', (Matthew 11:28).

Heart that is weary because of the way,
Facing the wind and sting of the spray,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you....

Heart that has tasted of travail and toil,
Burdened for souls whom the foe would despoil,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is frozen--a handful of snow,
Heart that is faded--a sky without glow,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is weary, O come unto Me.
Fear not, whatever the trouble may be;
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

'WE SHALL KNOW', also by Amy Charmichael

He will renew us in His love always.
Ours is a weary, clogging flesh,
But we shall know.
Patience of comfort, peace and fortitude,
Shall drink where fresh waters flow,
Taste angels' food;
For, loving, Thou dost love until the end.
O great and dear Redeemer, we have proved
What Love Divine can spend
On its beloved.